too much

i can hold my breath and keep my fingers crossed, not because it will help but because i have to, because i don't have anything else to do.
but besides that, i look at beautiful photographs every day, which i'm sure are taken by beautiful people, of magical places. and sometimes i feel overcome with this need to own every beautiful thing ever but i can't. i can't.
what else i can't do is pick up the phone and call someone. or enjoy the moment, but sometimes i try. and i can't erase these lines forming on my face. but i can pretend i don't notice, because i can't do anything about it.
its okay. everything is okay today, because i'm still holding my breath and hoping that something or other will work out. because everything works itself out, right? it has to. right?
new plans for tomorrow: go outside and sit, preferably on a blanket, eat fruit and later drink a little too much and say "do you know what i mean?" way too much.